Baby I've been waiting, I've been waiting night and day

I am currently locked in a battle of wills. With an almost 5 year old. My husband and I sit staring across at him as he chews at a truly glacial pace....because at this point in the vegetable portion of his meal...his back hurts, his teeth hurt, his tummy hurts, he has to potty (we let him have that one and marched him straight back to the table).
side note:  This meal has been going on for over 2 hours before you start judging the computer that now sits in front of me.
We have explained that, no, he is not an 80 year old with bad teeth,. Nor is he in his 40s with a bad back.  He is 5 and he will be finishing his carrots and celery. It's not even gross vegetables. It's raw carrots and celery for god's sake. What is baffling is that he TRULY truly believes that if he delays or just doesn't want to, then eventually, he will get to have some dessert and be done. How could he have come to this conclusion?  That just seems ridiculous to me...and so the battle continues.
I have to say that moments like this are  probably the hardest part for the hubs and I in not having the primary custody we so badly would love to have. It's just impossible to not go to the crazy place where you say, Well, if he was here all the time, he'd be more disciplined or he'd understand the rules or yadda yadda yadda.
In the logical part of my brain, I know this probably isn't the truth. kids are kids after all. This emotional part of me constantly wants to reconcile these moments with some parental failing that could not have been ours.  It's not fair, I know, but, hey, that's just how it is.
I have a feeling we are in for some serious reality checks when the wee pea arrives.  If she is rotten, if she lies, if she won't eat her dinner and has all manner of fictional ailments...there will be no other parents to blame. It will be the two of us who look at each other, shrug our shoulders and then stare at her across the dinner table....waiting.

Sippin on Gin & Juice

Being knocked up is a whole lot like being drunk.  Think about it....

Food: it either makes you puke or it is the Best Thing you EVER Tasted and you need a LOT of it.

Country music: It makes you weep, nay, sob....or it makes you feel reeeal perty and kinda sexy.

Driving: you may nod off, you will be easily distracted

Pee: two times in life I have wanted to pee in an alleyway. Once I was drunk The other time I was pregnant.
I did it both times. Also, there was that incident at Burger King of which we do not speak.

Sleep: You know how when you drink too much you "fall asleep" so quickly (I think they might call it passing out.) Same when you are pregnant.

Flatulence: need I say more?

Recall: wait, what was I just saying?

Emotional State: When in your life have you started crying, laughing, hitting people, yelling within moments of the preceding emotion? A the bar....or when you are pregnant. Ask my hubs. I may have hit him in the car. not hard though, that's abuse. I may have been laughing about 3 seconds beforehand. It may have all been about a song I didn't like on the radio. Obviously not country because then I would have been crying or horny. Do you think he saw it coming? he did not.