and it's a good thing too, because you never let me sleep. Shortly after my last post, my water broke and I was induced. a whirlwind 15 hours later marked by a bad encounter with Ambien (hallucinations, anyone?) and and halvsie epidural complete with oxygen mask so I didn't stop breathing, they totally handed me a baby. My baby. And we started the journey that has been the last month. Breastfeeding, Not Sleeping, Not Cleaning, Accepting all Help that is Offered, Not Sleeping, Bouncing, Cooing, Shushing, Not Sleeping, Crying, Laughing and Not Sleeping. Things I have learned:
1) A woman's body has limitless potential to do all sorts of things that it never did before having a baby.
We are hardwired to know our child's cry and respond with a single minded NEED to make that cry stop no matter what. We can Stretch without breaking. And if we break, it can be fixed and we can survive it. We are also built with a need to protect that verges on sheer panic. ( Some of us were afraid to put our baby down in the bassinet for three days after arriving home because something might happen to her if we let go. At the time, that was a super rational thought)
2) Breastfeeding. it hurts and it is hard and then, all of a sudden, it is not hard anymore. For the first two weeks, I cried every time fed my daughter and I was convinced I was doing it wrong. Every book you read says it doesn't hurt. They lie. It freaking hurts. Then, one day, you have the hang of it, you stop crying, and it is ok. Now, it is still a little cumbersome when you leave the house because you never really know when the babe will want to eat. You pretty much have to be cool with whipping your boobs out anywhere.
3) It is incredible how little sleep you really need to survive. You really only need naps. You won't be pretty, you won't be clean, you won't be completely rational, but you will live.
4) You know why people have babies in hospitals? So they don't DIE. I actually considered a home birth very seriously. Good thing I didn't do that. I am very glad that we were in a hospital now, though I can safely say I DO NOT recommend voluntary induction or epidural. I was induced out of medical necessity and I was pressured into an epidural after 12 hours of active labor with no sleep. The epidural went very badly and I am still a little traumatized. Hospital? yes. Epidural? no thank you.
5) When someone offers you help, you should really really take it. Your friend of a friend wants to clean you kitchen? say yes. Your mother in law wants to wash your underwear and scour your shower? The answer is Yes. Your neighbor wants to mow your lawn? (this is wishful thinking on my part ) Yes, please.
6) No matter how tired, hungry, thirsty, angry, sore, sad, wild-eyed you are, seeing your little nugget open their eyes after a nap and look at you is worth every nit of it every time. I would totally do this again in spite of the difficulties. And I still have a fairly good recollection of the pain part.
So now. I know a lot more, but still I feel like I don't know a thing and we are a family of 4. The Little Man, The Nugget, Daddy and I are all working it out and couldn't be happier.
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