I'm so tired my mind is on the blink

Now that we are officially in TRIMESTER THREE (imagine you heard that in stereo with a booming man-voice like the guy on MoviePhone), I will spend the next month growing the wee pea into double her current size. You may ask yourself if one can tell if this is happening.  Well, only if a sudden total plummet in ability to think, walk, sleep and/or remain awake are signs and symptoms of that growth spurt.
three new levels of fatigue have been discovered in the last 7 days.
the least of which is...

COMPUTER of the TYPING DEAD
this happens when you are typing away and suddenly feel your head sway forward and hit the screen and/or keyboard. When you lift your head, you find a series of letters like this: "judddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd"

Next on the hierarchy of exhaustion is a personal favorite, unparallelled because it involves frustration, hunger and sleepiness all at once.

SANDWICH FATIGUE
Due to the ravenous nature of myself and wee pea, such effort and skill will go into making the Best Sandwich Ever that upon sitting to eat it, I find that no, I will no be finishing this sandwich.  Why? Because I am too tired to chew and swallow. Literally. This usually involves tears because hunger and fatigue have to then duke it out to either get through the sandwich or pass out super hungry and wake up in the mood of a hibernating bear.

In pregnancy, some people say that they are more conservative. They take fewer risks.  Not me.  I live on the wild side.  because I participate in...

SLEEP DRIVING
Not on purpose, mind you..  Let's be honest though: you never know when an attack of sleep driving is around the corner. There you are, listening to All Things Considered when suddenly you are waking up as you careen away from the guardrail you almost hit while driving 80 down the freeway. You might find yourself sliding into a parking spot and closing your eyes as you simultaneously put the car in park so you can take a nap before actually 1) driving farther or 2) exerting the effort to open the door and walk into your place of business. Hopefully David Bowie or Marketplace will have you back and wake you up in time to get where you are going.

I advise you all to eat happy, wear your seatbelts, and ignore incomplete emails, blogs texts you receive from this lady. Weariness could strike at any moment. Beware!

Here I go again on my own....

That business at the bank was just the beginning

Dr. Important: why do all these patients families keep calling my cell phone?  How did they get my cell number? Who could have done this?
Me: I think I saw your number posted in the ladies room.
Dr. Important: blank stare
Me: Oh, you aren't ready for jokes yet.

Me: well, she didn't penetrate, but there was a change in the barium column along the....well that funky area.
Dr. Radiology: Blank stare
Me: That's the new medical term they are using, I think, "That funky area."
Dr. Radiology (a good sport): I see.

Scene...a pregnant me walking down the hall with a now revealed belly...
P.A. Niceguy: oh, I didn't know you were expecting
Me: What? No, I've just been eating a lot of pasta lately.
PA Niceguy: blank stare, awkward silence.
Me (only because I really like him): Just kidding, I am super pregnant.
PA Niceguy: total relief and laughter.

this last one is my new favorite trick. so mean, but such payoff!!

stay tuned...we're going back to the bank tomorrow... and I can't seem to stop. This freedom is intoxicating.

Then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid...

Or maybe I just make it more awesome??
Very exciting new pregnancy experiment in the works. It turns out that pregnancy makes me 1) slaphappy 2) weepy 3) scatterbrained. I was already a little tiny eensy bit 1) filterless.
combined, these forces make me The Queen of Inappropriate. I could awkwardly strike in a bank, grocery or bookstore near you at any time!
So far, it has been awesome. I can't help it, so I have chosen to just roll with it and then laugh.  I think that it may be so bad at times that these are the stories that people tell when they get home...

W: How was your day, honey?
H: Oh, it was fine. The weirdest lady came in though. she was crrrrazy! She said she thought my co-worker wasn't really working from home, but that he was probably eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's and crying while he watched Sixteen Candles. Then she tried to get him to pre-approve her home loan over the phone on the spot. We all laughed and laughed.
W: what a whack job.

Indeed.

so, hopefully, this continues because, besides my now apparent belly (which is gorgeous and allows me to snag awesome parking spots), this is my favorite part so far.

Getting Clean

Some people get pregnant in the face.  I am one of them. Not with added roundness (yet) but with blemishes. yuck. I am supposed to look like a fertility goddess, not a pudgy teenager, right?? So after a prolonged battle with my pregnant face, I bring you my personal skin care review of some of the millions of cleansers I have employed over the past months.  Cleansers are rated on scent, that "oh so clean" feeling, all day effects and acne control.  These can all be bought in the drugstore save one fancy one I got online.
All of them were used with Oil Free Sensitive Skin Neutrogena Moisturizer and my friend, benzoyl peroxide in the morning.

Purpose
Smelliness: Smells a little detergent-y, but clean.
Cleanliness: so clean making that it's actually drying to my fragile preg-o skin.
The day: This really highlights the combination-ness of my skin. so dry all day around my poor eyes and greasy like fries on my chin and nose by 10 am.
Acne Control: nada. No changes or improvements.

CeraVe
Smelliness: virtually scent free. very nonoffensive
Cleanliness: I just don't feel CLEAN. I feel like I just rubbed lotion on my face.
The day: I still feel greasy
Acne Control: I am less dry, but the blckheads are coming out with a vengeance.

Basis
Smelliness: Green and clean. very refreshing, yum!
Cleanliness: I feel Clean at last! my skin feels a little tight, but clean as a whistle
The day: Sadly, the combo skin returns by noon.
Acne Control: a definite decrease in the blackheads, but new acne is still appearing.

MD Forte III (with glycolic acid)
Smelliness: kind of sour, but not upsetting
Cleanliness: Lotion face again.
The day: I feel soft, but not clean. the oiliness continues
Acne Control: decrease in the roughness and inconsistencies in my skin, but still some blackheads and acne

Clean&Clear Morning Burst Skin Brightening Cleanser
Smelliness: lemony fresh and a little sweet
Cleanliness: Ahhhh. I love the little scrubbies that I can feel washing out my pores
The day: Clean! for a long time. I do need  little extra moisture around the eyes.
Acne Control: much better. my blackheads are gone and the new acne s mild when present.

THE PLAN:
Mornings: Clean & Clear Morning Burst followed by my b.p and moisturizer
Nights: basis with some light moisturizer
3x/week: MD forte to break down the dry skin cell layers and keep it smooth

Hope this helps some other pregnant ladies with this struggle!

Gonna Rock your Body...

way past the break of dawn, my friends.

So let just throw it out there....Constipation.  There, I said it.  it's really real people.
Today, as I was about to enter a patient's room, I suddenly knew it was hurl time. So I made for the fastest potty location and took care of business. Unfortunately that was just the side effect of how crazy my stomach is. It's a traffic jam, basically, and the only way out is to throw it into reverse. Just saying. How could one small fruit shaped baby cause so much havoc?  I think this is preparation for when he is a thirteen year old smelly socked boy or when she is fifteen and thinks that miniskirts with thigh high boots are super cool. I'll just look back and remeber this day.  How I curled up in the bathroom and tried not to cry while my mom tried to convince me I wasn't going to die via cell phone.  I did not die.
Later though, I wet my pants a little when I coughed.  I think it's time to step up the kegel regimen. and eat more salads.

She's got Perfect Skin

This is less of a blog post and more of a cry for help post. I look ridiculous.
I have always had super sensitive skin. Generally, anything on the planet has made me break out.

And since my skin tone is most likened to that of Casper the Frienndly Ghost. A blemish of any kind last for months...and months....because it is bright red on my pasty face.

This situation has been under control for over a year, but when I got pregnant I had to say farewell to my Clinique skin crutch because of salicylic acid. My skin is now weird.

It's not so much breaky-outy as bumpy. It feels like sandpaper...and pebbles.

I have tried Purpose, Clean & Clear, CeraVe, Cetphil. I need help. tell me what to do. I am desparate.

Ask Me, I won't say No

as we got pajamafied for bed tonight, little man stared at my suddenly huge belly (I think it's mostly attributable to ice cream today and will be flat again tomorrow).

Little Man: wow, your belly is fat
Me: well, it's getting big. the baby has to have room to grow
Little Man: Did you EAT the baby?
Me: no, I didn't eat the baby, it's just growing.
Little Man: Well did the doctor cut the baby out and put it in your belly?
Me: nope. the doctor didn't do anything.
Little Man: well, how did it get in there?
...oh man. really? already? you are four!
Me: well, Daddy helped me make the baby and put it in there.
Little Man: oh. ok.
WHEW! Crisis averted.

in other news from our top 4 year old reporter:

to his unshaven stepmother.  It's only been 2 days, c'mon!
Little Man: Mommy, why do you have hair under your arms?

when I am so exhaustedly trying to put him to bed so I can get into my own
Little Man: Why are you going to bed? Grownups can stay up and do whatever they want.

it's a bang up night.

Thanks to LG for an awesome time with us at the mall before this round of serious questions. I was well fortified thanks to ice cream, adult time and shopping.